Reading with Rasta: Awaken
Welcome to Reading with Rasta. Today, we are reading Awaken by Lauren Wagner. Chapter One.
They groomed me as a child. They taught me how to look, how to listen, and even how to die. They prepared me to live entirely for others. Die for others. I am destined to be the queen of Estancia, to live in a noble house filled with my own personal court and guards sworn to protect me at all costs, right until the moment of my death. Even as they tear me from my bed in the dark of night, I must remember this is their purpose, just as much as it is mine.
“May I say goodbye to my father?” The confidence in my voice covers the fear trembling in my gut.
“No, milady. There is no time.”
The guard throws a musty cloak over my soft linen nightclothes. The stale smell overpowers the eucalyptus of the lotions on my skin, making my eyes water in disgust. I feel no better than a horse being led by the reigns.
I grip my golden slippers and run out of the house. My bare feet touch the wood of the floor and memorize the soft pitter-patter that vibrates in response. The same guard places me on top of the nearest horse. Black as midnight, silky as the hidden clothes under my cloak. My hands fumble for the reins as I lean forward and fight for my balance. I am not accustomed to riding horses.
I swallow hard and fight to hold back my tears. Queens do not cry. The overgrown trees cast a shadow over the wooden arch of my home, and the windows shine in the moonlight, but already I feel the memory of my home fading: the cayenne and paprika of the kitchen. The sun glittering off the windows in my rooms. I plead in my heart that father can hear my silent goodbyes.
I don’t know how far we ride, but I know I have never been so far in my life. Branches tear at my face and snag on the wool of the cloak that protects my nightclothes from being ripped off my back. With my hair thrashing in my face, I steady my grip and close my eyes for a moment. A small movement, but one forcing me to take control of my breathing. In. Out. In. Out.
Three riders flank me. I know they are all mine, but in their silence, they seem like strangers. Years at my side and none have anything to say. They hold a mix of emotions in their eyes, sadness filled with a determination I know goes deeper than the blood pumping through their veins. This, too, is their purpose. Once I am gone, a new purpose will fill them with as much strength. I hope so at least. Father will need them.
We ride through parts of the kingdom unknown to me. The forest thins and the leaves become freckled with new shades of color reflecting off the light of the moon. But it’s wrong. All of it is wrong. “This is not the way!” I yell over the wind, but my guards do not respond. I hold my tongue from yelling more and pull the cloak over my head, blocking out the view as much as I can.
My riders slow as the clouds cover over the light from the moon and we pull to a stop. Out of breath and chilled from the wind, I am pulled from the horse. “But this is not the way,” I say once again. “This is not the place.”
The oldest of the guards grips my arms gently. “Lady Natalia, we were asked to bring you here instead.”
His touch holds a tender apology. He kneels so his face is even with my own. I feel like a child once more, being talked to as if I might shatter.
“But why?” My voice trembles over my confusion. “Tonight is the night. I should not be here.”
He turns his head as his companions clear the brush at their side. He refuses to look at me, refuses to speak of their traitorous acts. Perhaps to even acknowledge what they are doing. What they have done.
“Please, milady. Do as we say and stay by the horses.”
He leaves my side to help the other guards remove rocks from the bluff ’s anterior. The horse next to me trembles and snorts, pawing at the dirt with his front hooves. I pace with each rock set aside, even though I know better. Queens should not show fear. Should I run or trust in the men who have spent their lives protecting me?
They turn back to kneel in front of me, and my heart hardens. Their intentions are finally clear. “I am not to be sacrificed, am I?”
“No, milady, other arrangements have been made. You are to stay here.”
“How long?”
“We cannot say.”
Their fists clench and pull to their hearts as they silently apologize with a goodbye. Their eyes fill with tears as I nod at them, my understanding clear. This is where we must part. This is where I must stay.
Without a word, without question, I walk past them and step inside the grotto. Their heads drop as I pass. It seems as if they stay there frozen in time, statues molded into an aspect of regret. One by one they stand and turn towards me once more. My breath quickens as they replace the rocks at the entrance. One by one, their movements are played out in slow motion. I stand at the entry of the cave, refusing to step out of their sight. Even as the last of the rocks is placed over my view to the outside, I hold their gaze.
Goosebumps cover my skin as my eyes finally turn to search the hollowness of the cave.
A fire burns behind me. Nestled in a ring of stone, it rises up to meet the cracks on the cave’s ceiling. My breath twists and turns with the flames, and my eyes water at the smoke. Gathering courage enough to sit near the heat, I turn my back on the small bed against the far side of the cave, across from the tinkling water pooling in the corner. My fingers trace the moisture off the walls to the trunk positioned next to the small cot. I open it with detachment, already knowing what lays inside. The trunk is filled with my personal trinkets and clothes. The necessities to pull me through the desolation.
This was not the plan. This is not what my future should hold.
Gathering my breath and clearing the dust from my throat, I stand and straighten the folds of my cloak. I inhale strength, pull off the hood covering my face, and slide my hands through the silky curls of my hair. It is the best I can do to try and tame the wild coils. I close my eyes and breathe in and out. In. Out. In. Out.
Only then do I open them with a brand-new sense of determination. Only then do I turn. Only then do I have enough courage to face the dragon in my midst.
Rising seven feet off the ground, he peels his chest off the damp floor and lifts his head in acknowledgment. He places the weight of his massive core onto his front talons and his serpent- like belly snakes around the circumference of the cave; then he relaxes on the ground. His glance is patient and expectant. He does not snarl or even rustle his scales.
I stand upright and pull back my shoulders. My fists clench at my sides. I force my muscles to relax to hide my fear. I remind myself how important it is a queen never show an ounce of distress, never show emotions. I force my breathing to slow and focus on the rise and fall of my chest.
Yet, here I stand, my fear laid like a blanket in front of a monstrous beast. “How long?” I say. “How long will I be kept here?”
His nostrils flare at me in question. He may play coy with me, but I know he understands.
“They will not stop until they find me. I am not to be
forgotten.” My courage to speak wavers, yet I tighten my heart in determination. I ask the questions that he has no answers for. Patient at first. Over and over, I ask my questions with polite resolve. “Who came to you?”
He watches in silence, his frame never inching any closer to my own.
“Why?” I say. “What will become of my people?”
Hours pass and my manners begin to weaken. My muscles grow weak and my back heavy from my stubborn stance. I feel my shell cracking with my impatience. My voice turns to pleads and screams. “Tell me! Tell me what happened! Tell me why!”
After what feels like hours, I drop to my knees and cry into my hands. I let the tears fall, as if it were the only other option. I let the stones under my knees dig into my clothes and the dirt from the floor stain the linen on my rear. I feel a hole in my chest open, and my disappointment floods out. This is not how today was supposed to unfold. This was not the future my father warned me of.
It is only then that the dragon pulls at the double coat of armor nestled on his skin. He relinquishes a shimmering blue scale from directly above his heart and uses his tail to push the treasure closer to me, silently urging me to take its contents.
“You want me to eat it?”
My eyes become heavy as I begin to understand, and all my hope hits the floor at my feet. I sniffle away my tears. I remove my cloak and sit on it like a rug. It scratches under my weight, and pricks at my skin. I can focus on this, I tell myself. All of my life, I have done what I was told. Today should be no different. I reach out to grasp the piece of his flesh. My hand trembles and lingers above the scale.
I look at him, pleading for a different option.
He gestures toward his mouth, and I imitate his actions. Slow but determined, even a little resolved. My fingers find their way to my lips as I allow them to part. The scale dissolves in my mouth, tasting of ash and that of my unobtained future. I let the remnants slide down my throat and refuse to gag up the contents. My nerves tingle and a numbness flows through my limbs. I feel my eyes flutter and my mind slow. The rhythmic pulse of my heart steadies with that of the dragon and the magic takes effect.